IS TODAY THE DAY?

Is today the day I finally let go of my beliefs about the past? Is today the day I stop replaying my childhood experiences and live the woman I can be in the now? Yes, is true that my earlier years were filled with emotional pain, a kind of deprivation. Is that a good reason to cling to those memories?

The event that brought all these thoughts to the surface for me in last night’s dreams was the anniversary of my Mother’s birth. Even though she has been on the other side for more than 15 years I realize I am still dealing with the old feelings. I am still blaming her!

Because I received very sparse or no affection as a child, there are thoughts that I was not loved and perhaps not lovable. There are still ideas nudging me that if I cannot please someone, some material thing, some privilege, will be taken away.

It is now obvious to me why I entered a difficult marriage when I was so young. In my hopeful escape of childhood it was highly predictable that the marriage would turn out to be yet another voyage lacking outward affection. If I needed further convincing that I was unworthy of loving affection, that union provided it.

All of this must seem extremely foolish meanderings for someone of my age and yet my problem is there, quite real, and needs to be dealt with. In fact all those fear filled ideas are giving my ego the control over my life it wants and needs for its survival.

I have many times rationalized mother’s behavior. She and I were abandoned by my father before I was two years old. Why wouldn’t she feel unloved? Why wouldn’t she turn become wary of expressing any love to others? Somehow all of the rationality I can summon does not fix the problem. It falls back on me to begin the process of forgiving her and forgiving myself.

All the mental knowledge I have does not remove the emotional pain.

So how to begin? I know that we “hand pick” the situation of our birth and our family long before our arrival here on earth. I know that the reasons of our family situations are solely for the purpose of our soul growth. We come here to learn the lessons the earth offers. I know that many times those lessons are pain filled.

At this late date it is of no great importance now for me to know if I was working out some karmic debt. What matters is what growth I allow myself. Will I set about making amends to myself with love and compassion for the past and the present?

In reality there is nothing for which to forgive my mother. Her destined part in our mutual lives was planned long ago. She played her soul’s role well. Yet I must forgive her because I have blamed her for so much.

It is my promise to myself that I will begin reaching out to my mother’s soul with understanding and love. I want to free her from any negativity that I have foolishly placed on her. My desire is for each of us to be free to access as much soul growth as we wish.

In order for me to be the complete ”grownup” I wish to be, I must heal that little child who still cries within. If any of you can resonate with my hurt and feel your personal inner child is still a little lost, consider taking some remedial action. When your personal child is happy, comfortable with life and loved, your adult actions all become easier and clearer. You can begin seeing life with a much broader perspective.

It is easy to see that actively judging and blaming myself or others does affect my life but not in any positive way. On the other hand I have found that when I love and forgive myself, I am much more allowing and accepting of the sometimes surprising or unusual actions of others! It is a double win.

Take an open-hearted look at your life yesterday and today. If you find something that needs extra love and forgiveness, do not wait. Love, love, love! Rest assured that the love you send out will multiply and come back to you. Begin now. Times a wasting!

IS YOUR LOVE ON HOLD?

I have been taking inventory again! No, not an inventory of the clothes in my overstuffed closet or my packs of Doreen Virtue’s angel cards or my well stocked refrigerator and pantry of quick meals. The inventory involves something much more important.

I believe that in theory all of us would agree that a huge part of our job here on earth is to express the love that we are. We probably would also agree that in order to express that love we, as humans, need to be able to continually forgive the large and small “offenses” committed by ourselves and others. However, it seems that what we believe to be correct and what we do, what action we take, often times are quite different.

In our humanness it seems much easier to judge and keep score. So here is where my personal inventory comes to the surface. I had a dream last night where I was (for the umpteenth dream time) taking the wrong turn back home in Illinois where I was born. That irritating dream has been mine for too many years.

Suddenly I got it! I knew exactly what that repetitive dream was about. The challenge was what to do about a grudge I had been “enjoying” for years. I had to take action. We all know that those miserable thoughts can lodge in our physical bodies and cause all sorts of discomfort not to mention disease. In this case love and forgiveness were both called for but how???

When you or I ask our guides, high self or angels we always get an answer! I asked. I listened. All I needed to begin the process of releasing my hurt and anger was so simple. My main guide, Red Feather, pointed out what I already knew but had not implemented.

I did know how to approach the situation but I had ignored it way too long. So I began seeing the troublesome man, who was the center of my misery, as an innocent infant, the way he came into this world. I rescued an old photo I had saved showing him as a child of around two years of age. I realized that then, as now, he was just trying to take the actions that would make him feel warm, comfortable, cared for, and yes, important. It no longer mattered what I thought was the “right” thing. He did then and continues to do today exactly what seems to him to be the best, the most successful for him.

With this simple approach I finally had accessed my soul wisdom. I promised myself from this day forward whenever I thought of his past interactions with me I would let him be “young and seeking”. I know he is looking to love and be loved. Never again would I engage in blaming him for what he obviously believed was his own right action.

My heart and body felt so much lighter. The long standing hurt was gone. Was this finally the end of all my judgments? I wish I could say so but I know the “grudge inventory” of my life will be an ongoing process for awhile. At least I admit to my imperfections and hopefully get some forgiveness momentum going from my heart for my negative and very earthly thoughts.

I remind you and myself that we need to continually forgive not only the other people and situations we encounter but we need to forgive ourselves.

We will keep making what we see as “mistakes” and need to see those seeming errors in judgment as the learning lessons which they are. Those mistakes can sometimes turn out to be our greatest blessings if we can acknowledge and use the gifts they offer us.

BLESS ALL OF US WHO ARE WALKING THIS PATH OF SPIRIT. LET THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF OUR LIVES BE LOVE!

The joy of my life is helping others work through the challenges of their path. If I can be of service to you by answering troubling questions or revealing some avenues of discovery, please call or write for your personal ,completely confidential, counseling session.

I am Reverend Lois Cheney, Metaphysical/Spiritualist Minister.
E-Mail: RevLois@gmail.com or Telephone (941)961-2783