FOREVER GRATEFUL

I am enormously grateful for all the events of my life: past, present and future! I am thankful for every person, every situation, every roadblock as well as every win. The twists and turns of my life deserve my unending thanks.

Why would I love it all? Why would I appreciate the rough spots as well as the high flying successes? Why would I praise the slaps of life as well as the kisses?

Was my life in the past and is my life in the present so easy, so enjoyable, that I am able to simply overlook anything unpleasant? Could it be that everything I tried turned out exactly as I planned? Are those the reasons perhaps I might be looking forward to the future knowing it will be a “breeze”, an easy “walk in the park”? Hardly!

I am quite sure that the future will hold challenges and as many ups and downs for my path as any human can expect. I certainly realize that my future will have problems as well as solutions. So why would I be so completely thankful for all of it?

My not so perfect life started with my father abandoning mother and me when I was a little over a year old. Not exactly a stellar beginning. I was raised by an elderly grandmother and a cold and very unemotional mother, who worked most of the time. As a child I felt completely abandoned and unloved.

My self-image along with my ability to love myself was severely stunted. As a result I was incapable of loving or even acknowledging others. In those early years as a child I spent most of the time looking down at my feet and hardly ever smiling.

As I look back at my childhood, what a study in human relations it was! I can smile about it because undeniably it gave me a foundation for the work I do today. I am able to understand so much of the “acting out” some of us experience as adults. Many of our attitudes about life originate in our inability to love and accept ourselves. When we are unable to love and value ourselves, offering open hearted love to others is not possible.

Given my background it is not surprising that, still looking for love, I married young, barely out of school. Within a couple of years my two children were born. I continued to work in an office. With any free time I could find I pursued my spiritual growth with books, classes and meditation. Unfortunately my husband was not interested in such matters. That fact was the source of much contention and resentment. It was not an ideal life for several unhappy years.

During that rather lackluster time I was able to find some relief by taking voice lessons on Saturday mornings. Immersing myself in the music gave me a feeling of exhilaration and usefulness. I also helped as much as I could with my Unity church book store and the choir. Working for the church in various programs instilled a desire to do the counseling and lecturing I enjoy today.

What those years impressed on me, the gift they offered, was the importance of, really the necessity of, acknowledging and expressing my own feelings. I had allowed my own needs to be suppressed to the extent that in the confines of the marriage I became “invisible”.

My harsh emotional experiences in that early marriage revealed to me that my own life mattered and should not be set aside. I realized that I was valuable. I vowed never to ignore my dreams again.

Time went by, the marriage ended and I moved to Florida. I worked in Florida as a real estate broker-salesperson for some years while doing my metaphysical psychic work part time. Working with buyers and sellers in real estate sales was a not-so-easy education in human motivations and character. Intuitively it was obvious to me that people didn’t always know what they really wanted or needed.

Ultimately, Sarasota is where I met and married my late husband. From the first life with him was much different from my earlier experience. He was outgoing and talented with all the abilities that fit with my counseling work. He was a hypnotist, hands-on healer and psychic reader.

Together we taught and counseled clients for 19 years. The more we worked in our chosen metaphysical field, the more our abilities grew. While offering our psychic services, we also traveled buying, remodeling and selling homes. Our real estate activities took us to many different locations in the states.

Even with our obvious compatibility, my husband and I had just as many problems as any couple or perhaps more. Unfortunately my husband had a tendency of teetering between total positivity and complete depression. His down cycles got deeper and deeper until one day while recovering from a serious operation he took his own life.

A personal event of that magnitude might have caused me to give up on everything and everyone. After all, I was left with far too many properties to handle by myself; homes, cars and boats. There were endless legalities to resolve. Surprising though when the shock of his quite unexpected leaving wore off, instead of feeling abandon or giving up on myself and on life, I threw myself into my work with greater enthusiasm. I began to find new ways of counseling and teaching.

To my amazement clients started finding me who also had been affected by a suicide in their families. As a result of my own experience I was better able to help them. I continued to search for methods that were of the greatest benefit to all my clients. Once again I began to feel more alive and valuable.

I have to say that I am deeply thankful for every experience of my life. Every one of the people, every one of the situations the good and the bad, those with and without drama, every one of them has provided valuable learning and more understanding. Hopefully all of it has left me a wiser soul.

Given the opportunity there is nothing about my life experiences that I would change. It was all wonder-filled. I see it as a succession of lessons and more than a few miracles. It was all perfect.